Hashimoto Nightmare

 From those moments of exhaustion living with Hashimoto's disease. 

It's the same - every time I awake in my cocoon of blankets, exhaustion continues its stifling grasp on my mind, body and soul. I'm doomed before I begin the day; the endless chant engulfs me.

    "Death to your mind."

    "Death to your thoughts."

    "Death to your art."

    "You're worthless."

    "You're lazy."

    "You're incapable."

    "You lack inspiration."

    "Death to you."

    "Death to your heart."

    "You speak too much."

    "You speak too little."

    "Your words mean nothing."

    "You mean  nothing."

    "What makes you believe you should mean anything to anyone?"

I drag my lethargic body from my bed. I make a cursory pass by my studio, glancing in and turning away. The chanting continues. Chanting, chanting, chanting.

And, I shrink by degrees, by days, by weeks, by months. Shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. Until I'm invisible to me, to me, to me.

Is there a me? The chanting . . .

    "Death to your mind."

    "Death to your thoughts."

    "Death to your art."

    "You're worthless."

    "You're lazy."

    "You're incapable."

    "You lack inspiration."

    "Death to you."

    "Death to your heart."

    "You speak too much."

    "You speak too little."

    "Your words mean nothing."

    "You are nothing."

I strain my head back and cry out to the ceiling, "Wake up!"